Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Don't worry, this will probably be my only post about working out....probably.

So, I have started working out again. By again, I mean I haven't seriously worked out since high school. Don't worry. I'm not going to be bombarding you with constant updates and pictures. I know that you don't want to hear about my developing six pack or that my traps are getting more defined and let’s face it, it'll take years for me to have anything to update about my abs. I certainly won't be posting any pictures either. If you want to see me with my shirt off you’re going to have to do like every other person and wait until I get semi drunk and dare me. Or if you’re a pretty girl just say hi. I'll rip it off. I'm not good at social interaction and that particular strategy has yet to work.

Now I'm not just going up to the gym and running and lifting some weights. No, I have a plan, DVD’s and a pull up bar. I'm not going to be a pitch man for said plan but I will tell you that it should take about 90 days and it's do you spell that?

Not only is it a workout program but it has a diet. This is where I see me having some trouble. I'm not a glutton but I do love some good food. I've been on this diet for 3 days now and I'm already noticing changes. Not my weight, but I feel a little better and I'm constantly hungry. And my sense of smell seems to have been heightened to Wolverine type sensitivity. Every time I go somewhere and get out of my car I can smell any unhealthy food within 200 yards. If you misplace your hamburger just let me know and I'll sniff it down for you, just don't expect to get it back once I find it.

If I have learned one thing so far it's that I had no idea how out of shape I really am. The workouts on the DVD's are challenging to say the least and I know that it will get better but at some point in the workouts I feel like Private Pile from Full Metal Jacket.

I'm not 100% certain but I feel that if I don't step it up my cat is going to throw me a blanket party. That just seems like something she would do. And before you make fun of me for having a cat keep in mind that I'm working out and we all know that witty responses hurt more coming from someone in shape. I'm not above waiting three or four months to give you a comeback. Just saying.

I'm sure they did it on purpose but on one DVD there is a guy working out with a prosthetic leg and so far this guy has kicked my ass. I'm not trying to take anything away from people with prosthetics, but I'm saying that if I start to make excuses to not work out or slack off I can think about that guy and justifiably tell myself to stop being a tool and get my ass in gear. I have no excuses left. Well played DVD, well played.

I know that it will get better. Eventually I'll get in shape, I won't be so sore that I refuse to go up my stairs no matter how much I need something and I won't cringe every time I have to stand up from the couch. Wish me luck Dear Reader. Hopefully I'll stick with it and be better man for it.

Ps. if you get an e-vite from my cat for a "beating Clifton into shape" party...please decline.


Crystal said...

lol I love reading ur blogs they always make me laugh:) good stuff!

Jason Byrum said...

I tried this mystery dieting/workout program that you speak of. Needless to say I kicked its ass then went back to pumping 6 packs. All in all, I win.